Tuganirre

Ibibazo 5 mu rukundo n’ibyo wakora ngo ubikemure

16/06/2018

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Ni couples nkye zidahura n’ibibazo mu rukundo rwabo, ark umenye ibibazo ushobora guhura nabyo wamenya uko ubyirinda cg ubikemura.

Mitch Temple (marriage and family therapist, wanditse igitabo cyitwa The Marriage Turnaround) yavuzeko nubwo relationships zose zinyura mubihe byiza n’ibibi, couple nziza ziga kujera ibibazo bakagakomeza urukundo rwabo. Barihangana bakarwana nibibazo bahura nabyo bya buri munsi.

Ikibazo: Kuvugana (communication)

Ibibazo byose bitangirira mu kutavugana ngo buri wese abwire undi uko abyumva mutegane amatwi. “ Ntiwavugana n’umuntu uri kuri BlackBerry yawe, ureba televiziyo cg uri kumva sports” niko Elaine Fantle Shimberg,  wanditse Blending Families yavuze

Ibyo wakora

  • Mufate igihe cyanyu mwembi, nimba mubana muryamishe abana telephone muzishyire muri silent.
  • Nimba mudashobora “kuvugana” mudatonganye mujye ahantu mwagira isoni zo gutonganira nka restaurant.
  • Mushyireho amabwiriza nk’urugero ntiwemerewe guca undi mu ijambo. Cg ntimuvuge ngo “Uhora…..” na “Ntujya ….”
  • Werekane ko umuteze amatwi wikirize nibinaba ngombwa umubwire umusubiriremo ibyo avuze urugero “Ndi kumva uri kumbwirako nkusaba ibirenze ibyo ushoboye kandi twembi dukora” nimba aribyo yavugaga koko azikiriza. Nimba ubyumvise nabi azagusobanurira neza kurushaho

Ikibazo: Imibonano mpuzabitsina(Sex)

Abantu bashobora gukundana cyane ark badahuza mu buriri. Mary Jo Fay, wanditse Please Dear, Not Tonight, avugako kudasobanukirwa umubiri wawe nibyo ukunda byongera ikibazo. Ark imibonano mpuzabitsina nicyo kintu mutagakwiye kureka, niko Fay avuga. Akomeza agira ati “Imibonano iraduhuza, ituma uzana hormones zifasha umubiri mu bifatika ndetse nibitecyerezo, ikanatuma rukuruzi muri couple yabantu bazima iguma iri nzima.”

Ibyo wakora

Mubitegure, mubitegure, mubitegure. Ntimubishyire nijoro mwese murushye, yenda c kwa gatandatu cya gihe abana baryama ku manywa, na “quickie(kihuse)” ka mugitondo mbere yo kujya ku kazi . Cg kwa gatanu abana mubajyane gusura ba nyirakuru na sogokuru. “Iyo mwapanze gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, byongera ubushake” niko Fay avuga. Agakomeza ati “ Guhinduramo utuntu nabyo birabiryoshya, kuki c mutagerageza kubikorera mukindi cyumba cg muhagaze”

Menya ibintu bigushimisha wowe nuwo muri kumwe, mwembi mukore “sexy list” wandikeho ibyo ukunda, nigitecyerezo cya California psychotherapist Allison Cohen. List zanyu muzihane ubundi mwembi muzikoreshe gukora scenario aho umukunzi wawe yakishima kurushaho.

Ikibazo: Amafaranga

Ibibazo by’amafaranga bishobora gutangira na mbere y’uko mugera mu rugo. Bishobora guterwa, urugero nk’amafaranga yo gutereta cg ubukwe buhenze. Kuri couples zifite ibibazo by’amafaranga, inama nziza nukwicara mukabiganiraho seriously.

Ibyo wakora

  • Mubwizanye ukuri, nimba amafaranga atacyinjira nkambere gukomeza kubaho nkuko byari bisanzwe ntibiba bishoboka.
  • Ntuterure ikiganiro hagati mu gutongana, ahubwo mufate umwanya utagize n’umwe ubangamiye kdi mufate ahantu hatabangamye kuri mwembi ubundi mubiganireho.
  • Mubyemere ko umwe ashobora kuba azi kubika amafaranga(saver) undi akaba azi kuyakoresha( spender), byombi bikaba bigira akamaro kabyo kdi ko hari ibyo wakigira kuri mugenzi wawe.
  • Ntuhishe amafaranga cg amadeni. Byose mubyerekane impapuro zibintu byose bank statements, insurance policies, imyenda(loans or debts) na investments.
  • Ntunegure
  • Mukore budget yanyu mwembi irimo kubika (saving)
  • Mwemeze umuntu uzajya wishyura ibintu nk’inzu, amazi, umuriro , ……
  • Buri muntu agire ubwigenge ku mafaranga, habe hari ayo buri wese yakoresha uko abishaka igihe ashakiye.
  • Mwihe intego za vuba nizakure (short-term and long-term goals). Kugira intego ku giti cyawe ni byiza ark n’intego za famille ziba ari ngombwa
  • Muvuge ku kwita ku babyeyi banyu uko bagenda basaza nuko muzabigenza nibiba ngombwa ko mubaha amafaranga

Ikibazo: Kutizerana

Icyizere n’ikintu gikomeye muri couple iyo ariyo yose. Hari ikintu ubona gituma utamwizera? Cg mufite ikibazo mutacyemuye neza gituma icyo kizere kibura?

Ibyo wakora

Fay yavuzeko mukoze ibi bintu mwarema kwizerana hagati yanyu

  • Ntuhindagurike
  • Wubahirize igihe
  • Ibyo uvuze ko uzabikora, ubikore
  • Ntubeshye, na twa tunyoma duto hoya, yaba kuwo mukundana cg abandi
  • Ntubere, niyo mwaba muri kuburana
  • Wibuke sentiment z’undi, mushobora kutabyumvikana ark ntiwirengagize amarangamutima (feelings) ye.
  • Uhamagare igihe wavuzeko uri buhamagare
  • Uhamagare uvugeko ugera mu rugo utinze
  • Ntuvuge ibintu bidashobora kuzibagirana
  • Ntugarure ibikomere byatambutse
  • Wubahe imipaka yuwo mukundana
  • Ntufuhe
  • Umenye gutega amatwi

Ikibazo: Kudashyira urukundo rwanyu imbere

Niba mushaka gukomeza urukundo rwanyu, Kurugira urwambere ntibigomba guhagarara nyuma yo gusezerana. Karen Sherman, wanditse Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last avugango “Relationships lose their luster. So make yours a priority,” mu kinyarwanda twavugango “ Urukundo rurakonja. Urwanyu murugire ingenzi”

Ibyo wakora

  • Mukore utuntu mwakoraga mukimenyana: umwerekeko umwishimiye, muterane imitoma, muvugane hagati mu munsi, umwerekeko umwitayeho.
  • Mupange iminsi yo gusohoka. Muyishyire kuri calendar yanyu nkuko mupanga n’ibindi byose bifite agaciro mu buzima bwanyu.
  • Mwubahane mwibuke kuvuga “Thank you (urakoze),” na “I appreciate (ndabyishimiye)” byereka uwo mukundana ko afite agaciro.

Sherman avugako nubwo hazahora hari ibibazo muri relationships, mwembi mushobora gukora ibintu mukabigabanya cg mukabyirinda burundu.

Mbere na mbere ushyire mu kuri. Gutecyerezako mugenzi wawe azabasha kuguha ibyo ukeneye byose—kdi akabasha kubimenya ntabyo usabye—ni ibyo muri film. Aravuga ngo “Saba icyo ukeneye directly”.

Mushyiremo blagues, mwige kureka ibintu muryoherwe n’urukundo.

Finally, ugire ubushake bwo kugira icyo ukora ngo urukndo rwanyu rumererwe neza, murebe koko ibikenewe gukorwa. Ntiwibwireko byaba byiza n’undi muntu. Cyeretse nimuvuga ku bibazo,naho ubundi ibintu bigutera ibyo bibazo ntaho bizajya relationship yose waba urimo

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